A Letter to My Daughter: The Story of Your Birth

My Dearest Charlie,

You are a miracle. And the day you were born was nothing short of miraculous. A day that your father and I will remember always. I’d been dreaming of being your mommy for as long as I can remember…but I had to wait. Your father and I fell in love and wanted nothing more than to bring you into the world….but we had to wait. So that’s exactly what we did. You were created out of love, perseverance, patience and hope. When we finally learned that you were growing inside of me, we (blissfully) waited some more. Carrying you was the most amazing experience. I cherished every single day, even the hard ones, because I knew that soon the wait would be over, and we would have you in our arms. I talked to you, sang to you and rubbed my belly all the time. Though I hadn’t met you yet, my heart knew you. You were already loved. I loved feeling you hiccup and move inside of me. I tried to imagine your face, but couldn’t. I knew that nothing I imagined would come close to you. I was right.

You were due on Saturday, December 9^th, 2017. But it looks like you, too, were ready for the wait to be over, because you made your way into the world a few days early. On Wednesday, December 6^th, I went in for a check-up. I wasn’t very far along, but I was noticing that I was leaking some fluid. The midwife said it was all normal and to just carry on as usual. So that’s what I did. My last day of work was the week before, and I was in full nesting mode. We wanted everything to be just right for your arrival. So, I went home and dusted the house… all the while noticing more and more fluid, along with some cramping, which I was also told was normal. I called the doctor just to be safe. That night, your dad made me eggs and toast for dinner and we watched a Christmas Movie (your parents are Christmas crazy!). All the while, the cramps and fluid persisted. I called the doctor again and that’s when they suggested going in just to check and make sure that the fluid wasn’t my water that had broken. Your dad was already in his pajamas, but thankfully, we were prepared and our bags were already packed. I was sure the hospital would send us home and tell us that everything I was experiencing was normal- we left the lights on in the house and didn’t even call your grandparents to let them know we were going to the hospital. Your dad, however, had a feeling that this was it. Turns out, he was right!

We got to the hospital around 11:00pm and it appeared to be a slow night. We were admitted into a labor and delivery room to have the fluid tested. I’ll never forget when the nurse returned with a midwife. She said that the fluid was in fact amniotic fluid and that my water had broken. They were surprised when I told them that I had been leaking that fluid for days! This can be dangerous, but your heartbeat was strong and you weren’t in distress. It turns out, there was a small tear in my amniotic sac and the cramps I had been feeling all day were contractions. We had been in labor ALL  day and didn’t know it! The midwife said, “You won’t be leaving the hospital until you have this baby”. Your dad responded with, “I knew it!” as for me, my response was one of shock! We were anxious, but ready to do this.

So, we turned the lights down low, I put on my Christmas socks and Bing Crosby Christmas songs and we labored. We had the most amazing nurse who put us at ease. They were going to speed the labor along, but the contractions were steadily progressing, so they said to give it four hours and see what happens. Those hours were tough, but I remained strong and silent. Hugging my pillow and soaking in the Christmas music. Breathing strongly and steadily.

Hours later, they gave me medication to progress even further. The contractions got even stronger and I took some medicine to ease the pain. Then, I felt a pop…the rest of my water had broken…you were on your way. Shortly after that, it was time for the epidural. I was nervous and unsure of what to expect, but your dad stayed strong for me. He held my hands and it was over before I knew it! At around 5:45am, your Gigi, G-pop and Auntie Booie came to the room. We spent some time together and it was great having the support of family. The pressure got heavier and heavier and they had me “labor down” by lying on each side with a leg elevated. This allowed you to move farther down. Shortly after this, it was time to push… the moment we had been waiting for. Your Nannie and Pop arrived just in time to give us hugs and kisses and wishes of good luck. Followed shortly by your Auntie Margie.

A sense of strength washed over me and I was ready to do this and ready to meet our girl. As scary as labor is, it is an experience that I’ve been yearning to have. A primal one that women have been doing since the age of time and what my body is meant to do. The midwife and a new nurse came in and with a deep breath and exhale; I pushed in intervals of three. In between pushes we chatted about your nursery, name and more. I was surprisingly calm. Things happened quickly. Your dad held my leg and encouraged me the entire way. I remember the midwife saying that you had a head full of dark hair. I began to cry and realized how very close we were to meeting you. Before I knew it, the midwife prepared to catch you and they told me it was only a few more pushes. Your dad was in my ear saying, “You’re so close!” “You’re doing so good”. I felt the pressure move lower but kept strong. On the 7^th interval, after 30 minutes of pushing, I pushed into my last exhale and then…. at 8:55am, on the morning of Thursday, December 7, 2017, you were born.

You weighed 7.9 oz. and measured 19.5 inches long. And were perfect. You began to cry right away and you were immediately put you on my chest. That may be the very best moment in my entire lifetime and one I day dream about often. I was overwhelmed with emotion, crying tears of joy. I remember saying, “I love you so much”, and “I can’t believe you’re here”, “I’m so happy” and that you looked just like your dad (you still do). The three of us then spent the next hour together. The most magical, “golden hour” of our lives. During this time your dad cut your umbilical cord, you breastfed for the first time and got your first bath. As for your mom and dad… we couldn’t stop staring at you, kissing you and holding your hand. Here we were. Forever changed… and a family of three.

The next two days spent in the hospital were magical. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles were all there to meet you. Everyone gushed over how beautiful you were, with your long eyelashes and brown hair. Your dad and I were in awe. Your very first night, you began to cry and your dad rocked you for hours while I slept. You loved a tight swaddle and were picking up breastfeeding quickly. The day after you were born, the magic continued because it began to snow! I’ll never forget the moments with you bundled up in our arms, watching the city below us… covered in white. Time was frozen and life was exactly where it was supposed to be. Everything felt right and that dream of being your mommy that I’d dreamed for so long had come true. And you, my darling, are far more beautiful and precious than I could have ever imagined. It was time to take you home and begin our new life together.

The waiting was over. A wait well worth it.

All my love… all my life,

Mom

(written when you were three months old)